she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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