Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
