I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we're so committed to being not committed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
