i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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