I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
