i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
