i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
