finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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