Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
