you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
