Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
