I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
