He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
not ubering you a puppy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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