no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize