With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
