There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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