yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
