"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
