i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
