idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want a musical about memes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
