Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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