It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
