The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
