My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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