I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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