saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize