I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
