I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
