Please, let me fuck your mom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
