I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
