Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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