It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
