i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize