I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize