I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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