Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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