Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
