I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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