a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
