The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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