one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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