Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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