dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
