Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
