The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize