i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
