haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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