I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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