I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
