Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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