O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize