ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
