Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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