Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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