.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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