im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
