Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
