Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
