he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
