My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
