New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
