Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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