My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
