oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
