So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
