Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
