Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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