I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
