at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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